This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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