im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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