Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
