I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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