I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
