i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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