my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
