Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
