I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
