I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
