So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
