I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
