I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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