Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is wine microwaveable?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
