i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
