Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You took a bar mat shot.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
