My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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