Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
