You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
