doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
