Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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