I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
