Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
