a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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