i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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