do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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