Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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