I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
