we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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