remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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