is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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