im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
