He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
