I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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