p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
