i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
