When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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