Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
