People with herpes should wear stickers.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
