i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
