I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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