i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
