woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
