hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
