Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
