He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
