Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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