Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're like the curious george of whores
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
