No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
