Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
