I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
