I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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