Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
