I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
