It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
